The Eastern Back – Little Green Men Seen Stealing Bricks From Campus Walkways

The Eastern Back is a yearly publication by the staff of the AS Review. Anything contained here probably isn’t true – unless it is. Happy April Fool’s week!

By Hailey Murphy

The Outdoor Sculpture Collection Advisory Board are meeting to discuss the fate of “Feats of Strength”, the little green figurines on central campus, after several students witnessed the sculptures coming to life and stealing bricks from the path.

A student, who wished to remain anonymous out of fear of retaliation, said they were walking back to their dorm late at night when they witnessed the seven green men walking in front of the biology building.

“They didn’t hear me walk up,” the freshman said. “So I was able to stand and watch from a distance while they picked up bricks, one at a time, and stacked them by their usual spots.”

The student said they were alone at the time. When they took a video of the phenomenon, it was too dark to see the sculptures. Then, when they went for a closer look, the men froze back into their usual positions.

The bricks were set back in place when the student walked by the sight the next morning, they said. They decided not to speak more about the incident as their friends ridiculed them for the claims.

This only changed when another student came forward on the WWU Confessions page late February with their own story.

“I don’t know if I’m smoking too much, but I swear those little green guys on campus are alive,” the post read. “I work at the Rec Center and walk through campus at night. On more than one occasion, I’ve seen movement out of the corner of my eye. I’ve never caught them truly in the act, but I swear we can blame the missing bricks on them.”

The anonymous source contacted the Eastern Back upon seeing this post. They said this post wasn’t written by them, but it gave them the confidence to tell their story.

The Eastern Back commented on the post seeking the identity of the original poster but did not hear back.

While many comments questioned the truth of the post, junior Andreas Richi commented that she’d once called University Police after hearing a disturbance outside the atrium.

Richi said she was leaving work one night when she heard giggling on the other side of the bushes. She went to investigate the noise when she heard the sound of a dropped brick. Because she was alone, Richi decided to call the police.

“I was worried some kids were getting up to something they shouldn’t,” Richi said. “It seems silly now but I was just concerned about my safety at that point.”

According to the University Police daily log, they responded to a “suspicious circumstance” at 5:30 pm the evening of March 7. The report states that no ticket was issued as the subjects had dispersed by the time police arrived on the scene.

However, Richi said that University Police “looked worried” when she recounted the noises she’d heard. The police escorted her to her car and told her to “not worry” about the sound.

After seeing the confessions post, Richi said she now believes the sculptures are to blame.

“I’m concerned about the safety of students on our campus,” Richi said. “How do we know these things aren’t dangerous? What are they doing with the bricks? What is their end-game?”

The advisory board declined to comment, but directed the Eastern Back to a public statement on the College of Fine and Performing Arts’ webpage, which said the allegations are under investigation.

“The members of the advisory board are taking these claims very seriously,” the statement read. “In the meantime, a meeting will be scheduled to discuss the exhibit’s continued presence on our campus.”